You Got to Fight

This past week I have been listening to my favorite 80's hard rock while I have been working out and cleaning my house.  It has kept my blood pumping and my body moving. 

You might be thinking, "What you?!?!  The Jesus loving girl is listening to secular music?!?!"  Yes, me and I am bringing Jesus with me.  After all, He lives in me, we are one.  Jesus is not religious, why do we feel we need to be?

God has been ministering to me through my old party music.  Granted, the original artist had a totally different meaning when they wrote the lyrics and that's okay.  God can use whatever He wants to minister to people.  After all He is God.  

I have needed to feel young and alive again.  This music makes me want to dance and enjoy the day.  It makes the boring treadmill fun to be on.  It has a wonderful tempo to get the dishes done faster, at least it seems faster.   

This morning I didn't have time to get on the treadmill as I had too much to do before getting ready to meet a friend for our guild meeting.  As I was doing the dishes after preparing my potluck dish, Twisted Sister's "You Got to Fight" started to play.

As I am headbanging to the beat and singing, "...Oh we're not gonna take it anymore.  We got the right to choose it.  There ain't no way we'll lose it. This is our life, this is our song.  We'll fight the powers that be just don't pick our destiny 'cause you don't know us, you don't belong..."

God was singing back to me..."No, you're not going to take it anymore.  I gave you the right to choose it.  I've already won, no losing for you.  This is your life, this is My song.  You'll fight the enemy as he didn't pick your destiny, that was Me, you belong to me..."

God and I went on, but you get the gist.   He reminded me how familiar I have become with my pain and my physical limitations.  He said, "You got to fight to get rid of it.  It is not yours, it is not a gift from Me.  I have given you authority over the enemy, his lies and schemes.  Stop trying to tolerate the pain.  Stop accepting it.  You got to fight."

I felt like I was Rocky in the corner of the boxing ring with Mickey motivating me before the next round.

When I am in prayer I am full of Godfidence, declaring the word, reminding God of His promises, taking authority from the place of my son-ship knowing who I am.  I am His most beloved child who has child like faith knowing that my Papa God will take care of everything because I believe Him.  

However, once the day goes on and the pain increases I seem to believe that it is just my pain and try to deal with it.  Wow, how soon I forget my warrior's prayer and accept defeat.

The great thing about this life is that we do get to choose.  We can choose to accept it or we can choose to come up with a plan to fight it.   Fight familiarity as it is not our friend.  Let's not become familiar with things that the enemy dumps on us.  The enemy is not our friend either.  He is out to steal, kill and destroy us any way that he can.  He doesn't fight fair, he looks for our weak spots to use to his advantage.  

Stop and think, "If you were the enemy where would you attack you?"  That is where you need covering.  Build up your armor with God.  Be prepared as you got to fight.  

The great thing is that the battle is already won.  

Until next time, God Bless!

Break in the Storm

It has been raining all week and the forecast is for more rain this coming week.  We are experiencing storms that can’t decide if they want to stay in the valley or go elsewhere.

This morning started out with more rain.  We have had so much that our ground is so soggy the water is making little ponds everywhere. 

Rain, rain, and what…more rain.    

When I walked outside and saw that we have some blue skies and sunshine where there was rain clouds a few minutes ago.  Such peace came over me and flooded me so that I am now overflowing in peace.  Thank You Jesus for Your peace!

Isn't that how life is?  One minute you are in the midst of a storm and the next your skies are sunny, clear blue with fluffy white clouds!

I love storms where nature just cuts loose and has its way with the world.  I also love it when it is sunny and 70°.   It is those in-between days that seem to go unappreciated with me.  You know, foggy or overcast days (or worse the opposite – Summer 100°) - I just don't appreciate them.  

However, if it weren't for the in-between days, I would not appreciate the storms nor the sunny 70° days as much as I do.  This break in the storm is just filled with such hope and peace.

Funny, a little earlier a friend sent me a song, "Get Your Hopes Up" by Josh Baldwin on the War is Over album.  And the discussion on hope began.

Some of us were raised to not get our hopes up.  We were to keep our expectations low as to keep from being disappointed or crushed.  We end up building up such serious walls, always expecting the worst.  Expect people to let you down, that way when things went well and people came through, it is a happy surprise!

What an awful way to live.  We are told in Ecclesiastes 9:3-5, where there is life, there's hope.  If you are breathing air there is still hope!  

I love that song by the Newboys, "Live Abandon".  I want to live abandoned for God and I want to live abandoned in life.

I want to give my all, in all areas of my life.   If I have walls built up so you don't hurt me, I am not giving you all of me.  

Hope is not a bad word, it is a good word.  The archaic definition (which I love) is a trust, reliance.  The verb...(the action word), is cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or to be true.  

Hebrews 11:1 tells us "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and all assurance about what we do not see."  

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with HOPE by the Power of the Holy Spirit."

He is the God of Hope and fills us with hope...if He is the God of hope, then hope is of God, so hope is not a bad thing.  Hope is awesome.  

I pray that during your storms you don't lose your hope, the break in the storm is coming.  Get with God, He will fill you will all joy and peace. 

Below is the link to the song, "Get Your Hopes Up" that will remind you.

Until Next Time, God Bless!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6FZzIy6VjA&feature=youtu.be&fbclid=IwAR1rAoeq24MzmM9mI0sLJkTAAtY3AUnqgEaNUgQGSbSUihormH_2ypJbRWA

Finding Focus through Patience

I am in the process of un-quilting my current art quilt.  This is not quick nor fun.  I am working from the back of the piece so that I don't mess up the layers of fabric on the front.  Even though from the back everything looks fine, my fingers are feeling all the pucker problems that are taking place on the front.

As I am taking out the stitches, I hear in my spirit that this quilt is going to have to be done differently that my previous pieces due to the size and the different issues that are going on with it.  I hear that I am going to have to focus on an area of the image at a time instead of working on the piece as a whole.  As the guiding words are being said the picture of what to do is going through my head.  

This scene was more than guiding me through my art piece.  God has been trying to teach me patience.  Not a fun thing when you are an over-achieving-get-it-done-now type of person.  Actually, patience is easier said than done.  At least for me.

Believe it or not I always thought I was patient, as least until I thought I have waited long enough then I am done with it.  I have been known to wait 7 months for my husband to do something before I’d pay someone to do it for me.   That was being patient, right?  

I found out that was not what God was referring to.  My over-achieving mentality has me pushing myself to get things done in timelines that I have set for myself.  I am mad at me, that my body is not letting me to things at the pace that I want to go. 

I want to be productive on my days off.  I want to get things done as my projects are stacking up.  I don't want to waste a minute for doing nothing, watching tv or taking naps.  I have things to do.  I have things I want to accomplish.  Monday comes too quickly and then I won't have time to work on what I want to work on.  Time is precious and I don't want to waste it on doing nothing.  I hate doing nothing.  Nothing is boring.  Nothing means to sit still, I am a fidgeter I don't know how to sit still.  My mind doesn't know what to do when I am to do nothing.  It goes faster than my body can keep up with when I am 100% and you want me to do nothing!?!?

After I had pled my case, I sat there defeated.  God let me run out of wind as I had this argument with Him.  Papa God tells me, "I don't want you to do nothing, I want you to have focus.  Have patience and focus.  Yes, you want to do it all, be patience and focus on the moment.  Focus on what you can do.  You need to be patient with you.  Your goals are good goals, but your timelines need work.  By trying to get it all done now, you are not enjoying the process.  Your focus is on the finish line.  Your focus needs to be on the moment.  Slow down.  Patience isn't about doing nothing, patience is about taking it a step at a time.  Enjoy the steps.  Enjoy the process."

That is the problem with the instant gratification of this life.  We want everything now.  We don't want to wait.  These last couple years, I have taken instant gratification into overdrive in several areas of my life.  Each area needs to be addressed and worked on.  It will be a slow process…I guess that is the point though, right?

Okay, breathe and let's take this in.  Today, I will focus on patience with me.  I will not get mad when I can't do everything that I want to accomplish.  Breathe and enjoy the process.  Enjoy the day.

What it is that you need to focus on?  What is it that you need to have patience on?  What process do you need to enjoy?

Life is a journey.  Journeys are meant to be enjoyed.  I pray that we all find our patience.  I pray that we all focus on the moment and that we enjoy it every step of the way. 

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Breaking Out of Conformation

My plans for the day didn't conform to my will.  I planned on spending the day working on my current art quilt.  Nothing was cooperating and when that happens you just have to walk away.  I turned on a movie that, to my knowledge, I hadn't seen before..."Mona Lisa Smile".

At first I was thrilled that this professor at a women's college in the 50's was teaching about art.  What a great substitute for when your art doesn't cooperate, watch a movie about it.  This movie wrecked me in more ways than I can wrap my head around.

As a woman who didn't get to attend college, part of me was jealous at all these young girls who got to go.  However, part of me was outraged that it had been drilled into them that the objective was not a career, but to become the perfect wife/mother.  Goal: get married and be a stay at home wife.  There was no striving for both.  Really???

No one cares if you are really happy just as long as you appear to be, that is what mattered.  I understand it was the 50's and it was a different time... But is it really all that different from today?

Think about it with me for a moment if you will.  What do we portray to the world?  What do we post on social media?  What do we blog about?  What exposure do we allow?

These last few years God has really been breaking me out of my box that was pretty darn comfortable.  He started exposing me to different ways of looking at things.  We will use my art for example because that is a safe topic...lol.

I prayed for God to give me the abilities to be an artist like my friend.  My friend was doing more with her art and being so creative that I literally had holy jealousy.  I prayed hard for God to unlock my creativity.  When I say I prayed I hard, I mean HARD!  So hard that I cried from the deepest depths of the very core of my being.

Warning my friend, when you ask Papa God for a gift, you are going to get it.  It just might not come the way that you imagined.

My creativity had rules and boundaries.  I followed patterns and only deviated in what I thought was acceptable to the confines of the pattern.  Everything was perfect, uniform, geometric, and things had to coordinate.  Patterns that don't coordinate next to each other...WHAT?? You want me to lose my every-loving mind?  I was very rigid and to top it off, I was my own worst critic.   

I remember the day that I was watching "Quilting Arts" on PBS.  I always watched it just in case they taught a technique I didn't know as their modern quilting was not for me.  This particular show had a lady that made these off the wall, abstract quilted portraits.  This lady and her uninhibited art quilts spoke to my spirit.  I heard God tell me, "You can do that.  I want you to make your own portrait."

That was the day that God awoke something in me and helped to bring me out of my box.  I made my own abstract portrait quilt and through that obedience, unlocked a treasure chest of creativity.  Nothing that I was used to, nothing that I would allow myself to think was art before was now my passion!  

Before I knew it God was talking to me and showing me pictures that He wanted me to make in fabric.  What?  Fabric?  My friend drew or painted her pictures from God and here I was to make them out of fabric.  Uh, okay God, let's do this.

I got excited about what I call "Prophecy in Fabric"...my art quilts.  

In the Bible, Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed by this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  In school I am learning about my Heavenly Identity and how renewing our mind is seeing yourself the way God does.  Victory and freedom are available just by changing your thoughts about yourself.  Huge revelation when you renew what you think about who you are and what you can do.

As I sat there after that movie thinking about all the different ways, we let folks tells us how to be or what we should be...I started thinking about how much influence we have on ourselves.  I put myself in that box.  I put my creativity in that box.  I am the one that trained me that I had to strive for perfection.  I am the one that set those stupid rules that I insisted I follow.  I am the one that said that what I created was not art.  I am the one that told me what I was to conform to.  

Well I got news for me.  What I create is art.  It is fabric art and I am a fabric artist.  I can't believe how much fun I have now that I have removed the so-called rules.

Whose lies are you believing?  Who are you conforming to?  Do you feel trapped in your box?  I have a secret to tell you, that there is no box, it is not there.  Push those walls down!  Be and do what your heart desires!  

Ask God to help you make those dreams come true.  He will help you, especially if you let Him co-create with you.  That is when the real you will be revealed.  Break out and be the real you.  Be transformed into who God created you to be. 

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Lord You Humble Me

Conversing with God

Yesterday I was going to post a typical type of conversation that I have with God.  However, God being the wonderful Father that He is, it took quite the ministering turn that was too personal to share.

The intent that I started out with was to let everyone know that when you are praying, it is way more than the prayer recipe given by Jesus that we have been taught in Matthew 6.  It is more than a prayer that we pray to an invisible God that we hope will hear the cries of our hearts and if He is willing, to answer them.

First off, when I talk to God I am more than likely sitting in a chair with my fresh cup of coffee.  I start talking to Him as if my best friend is sitting right in front of me as I know He is!  My secret place is not some closet, it is every room of the house that I happen to be alone with Him in.  

When you are up at 3:00 in the morning, pretty much every room is vacant except bedrooms.  I turn on worship music that has me singing from my spirit.  That too can change depending on what God is needing to set the atmosphere.  Sometimes it is absolutely quiet.

Sometimes I am studying the Bible or reading a book that brings me closer to Him.  As I am reading, I will stop and ask Him questions or even tell Him what I thought about what I just read.  We can have conversations that take up my entire reading time and sometimes He just gives me a one-word response and I keep going.  

Sometimes my early morning alone time with God has people and sometimes it doesn't.  When folks can't sleep or they have early mornings they are also up - I try not to let folks distract me however sometimes God needs me to stop and love on those that are needing my attention.  Folks in our lives are not an interruption to God and we shouldn’t feel that way either.

Sometimes we get a few hours before having to start the day and sometimes we only get a few minutes.  However, I will tell you that I do talk to Him whenever I find myself alone.  I am alone a lot so we talk a lot.

What I am trying to say is that my prayer, worship and study life is never the same.  Which I will be totally honest with you, used to irritate me beyond all reason.

I am a planner, I am a clock watcher and I am a calendar filler.  I would try to give God appointed times of the day.  I would set my daily calendar to give God this chunk of time for worship, another chunk for prayer and another chunk of time for study.  I tried this for years.  Can you imagine my frustration level when God wouldn't stick to my schedule or when life would get in the way of my God time?!?!?  

Sure, I can look back now and laugh at my thinking that I could get God to keep to the allotted time that I had set for Him.  

Another thing I did was type up prayer agendas - Okay God, here are my prayer points that we need to address...  I don't know how God felt about those lists, but they bored me to tears.  I hated talking about the same thing day after day.  No more laundry list prayers! 

One thing that I have truly learned in my walk with God is that I need to go with the flow.  I had to put aside my preconceived notions of what my time with God would look like and how it would work.  I quit trying to make Him only show up in my prayer room that I had set up as our meeting place.  I put away my calendar and quit setting appointment times with God.  

I quit trying to find out how God showed up for other people to see if God would show up for me that way.  I quit trying to make Him show up with the playlists that work for others or what I thought He needed.  

My rigid rules that I placed on God (and myself) were tossed out the window.

What I did was turn on music that my spirit needed.  I would sing, dance, stomp to the songs that I needed to express.  If I didn't know what I needed, I would just turn on YouTube and pick a playlist that called to me.  God knew what my spirit needed and if He needed to bring the music, He would.

What I am trying to say is that my prayer time is just about me and God spending time together.  It is different each day.  Some days it is more study of His Word, than prayer.  Some days it is more worship, than study.  Some days it is me creating and God speaking to me through my creativity.  Sometimes it is me cleaning the house.  It is never the same.  

Once I erased the lines of the box, I put God in, the more and more He showed up.  I also learned to ask questions.  I removed the filter that said I couldn't ask God, "Why or How Come?"  Sometimes His answers are vague and sometimes they are full of details.  

I literally have a conversation with God.  I ask questions and I wait for His response.  If all I hear is crickets, I ask another question as it may not be the best time for me to hear that response.  Sometimes He answers my questions with a question.  He knows how much I hate that!  (laughing)

My point is that my prayers are me talking and conversing with God as if He were in the room with me, as He is!  I don't have to wait for Him to show up as I know He is already there.  

I know that when I open my eyes in the morning, He is leaning over the bed looking at me, waiting for my eyes to focus on Him.  He is so excited for me to wake up to spend time with me.  He doesn't care how we spend our time, He just wants to spend time with me and that is what relationship is about.  Relationship is just spending time together, getting to know one another.

I pray that your time with God becomes your own.  Do what you enjoy as God will enjoy doing that with you also.  

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Slow Down, Be in the Present, and Enjoy the Process

We live in a fast-paced society, so fast that we have more things to do in less time to do them.  Maybe not all of us but I sure feel that way.  There are days that I am so overwhelmed that I have to be told to breathe.  How does that happen?  How does one forget to breathe?!? 

I know as we get older time seems to be going faster than we care to admit.  Personally, this last year has been a blur.  I have been overfilling my calendar so much so that there were days that I was not only double booked, I was triple booked…ouch! 

I am an overachieving perfectionist that has (more than) a lot that I want to accomplish in my life.  I don’t want to live to be forgotten.  I want to leave a legacy to my children and grandchildren.  I want to be known for more than being a nice lady.  

However, when you are just going and going like the Energizer Bunny life will catch up to you and when it does you are going to find out exactly how much time you have wasted trying to do everything all at once.  Not to mention while you are trying to do it all, there is the “Life Happens” that is taking place around you. 

We have family and friends that have died.  We have family that my heart longs to see but are scattered about the country that require time and money to go see…I get panic stricken with just the thought on choosing whom I should go see…first.  UGH, the pressure of picking one family member over another! <breathe>    

There is stress at work, there is stress at home, there is stress in general everyday life and I just kept adding things to add more stress.    

You know what happens when you don’t have proper self-care?  You get depression and anxiety mixed together with an unhealthy dose of sadness.  That has been my life for longer than I care to think about.  As a child of God, I took my concerns to Papa God.

It has been a slow process however He has been ministering to me.  (*Why do we freak out when He doesn’t answer our prayers overnight?  It took a good long time to get where we are, it is going to take time to get back to where we need to be. We need to let Him minister to us at the pace that WE need Him to.  Our wounds need time to heal.  Amen?  Amen!)

This season God wants me to focus on the good…He said that those that have passed are with Him, they are happy and whole.  He wants me to be happy for them and quit focusing on my sadness that they aren’t with me anymore. 

I am not to focus on those loved ones I don’t get to see, I am to give those I am seeing all my love and attention.  Be in the moment with them and enjoy our time together.  Look them in the eyes when they are talking to me.  I am not to worry about what I am not getting done, but really give that person my full attention.  When we love people, we value them and their time! 

He has also shown me is that I need to start creating again.  When a creative doesn’t create they get depressed.  I have been doing as much as I can on my time off that I have been hurrying to get “this” done so I can work on “that” to get it done, and then to get the “other” completed…endless hamster wheel of self induced stress.

My body has been taking the brunt of all this stress.  On Sundays after church and the family meal, I crash.  I am a lump on some piece of furniture wondering if it is bedtime yet.  Just to jump back on the wheel getting it going again the following morning that starts the week. 

When I am on the proverbial hamster wheel I feel like I am just going through the motions.  I am not enjoying anything that I am doing, just working on them as fast as I can to get them completed so that I can work on the next thing.  Even doing something that I normally enjoy doing, I am just doing it to get it done and off the to-do list, it becomes a chore.  There is no joy when you work (or create) like that.

I asked God what does my next season look like?  The answer I got was to…slow down, live in the present and enjoy the process.  Get off the hamster wheel and live intentionally! 

I call myself a fabric artist and I haven’t given myself time to create art with fabric.  Even if I am not working on an art piece I have a ton of UFO (Un-Finished Objects) Quilts that are screaming to be completed…imagine what all I could complete if I actually gave myself permission to intentionally work on them?  The thought of actually enjoying the process of creating something beautiful with fabric has the excitement bubbling up in me. 

To help me start me off on the road to new habits and start my creative selfcare, I am going to set aside 30 minutes each day to create.  Not just create, but really tune into what I am doing.  Not thinking about what I need to check off my to do list or what chore is waiting for me but, totally focus on what I am working on.  This could be any activity that gives you joy. 

This morning I am writing this article.  I am noticing my breathing and heartbeat… I am paying attention to my fingers hitting the keyboard...clickity click click click.  I am listening to the worship music that is softly playing…and I also hear the quiet of morning that sets it apart from the evening. I feel the soft breeze coming through the open window.  I smell my coffee and the diffusor oil that is wafting through the air.  I am watching the words slowly manifest across the document.  I notice there is a rhythm of the morning that is filled with comfort and peace. 

I am not stressing about finishing the article by an imaginary deadline that I have put on myself.  I am enjoying the process of letting the thoughts flow onto the page.  There is a timer set so that I don’t get lost in my creative time as I still have to go about my normal day. 

I am making sure that as a creative I am getting my creative time in.  Shaking off the depression, not letting anxiety rise up.  Sadness has no place when the choice is joy.

Imagine if you will, if we took the time to enjoy everything that we do.  We wouldn’t have to stop and remember to lower our bucket down in our joy well as we would constantly be drinking it in…

Until next time, God Bless!

Waking Up

As I woke up this morning my heart ached as I realized that today is not only Resurrection Sunday but it also April Fool's Day.  Even 37 years later I still hurt as I did when I was 16 years old.  April 1st, 1981 my mama was taken to the hospital in a coma to die 10 days later on Resurrection Sunday.  

Both days have always been hard for me.  How ironic that they are both sharing the same day on the calendar this year.  

I didn't wait to get out of bed before I asked God what it was like when she opened her eyes and saw Heaven.  Before He could show me anything, I asked Him what it was like for Jesus waking up from being crucified.  Next thing you know I am asking question after question like a toddler who is seeking to learn new things.  When I get excited I not only talk a lot but I also speak really fast.

What I saw was my Father smiling at me waiting for me to take a breath.  That sight warmed my heart.  He looked at me with such patience and so lovingly that I shut up, soaking that in. 

As a parent I know that even though my children are adults, they are still my babies.  I love them like no other.  It is hard for me not to still see them as 2, 3, and 5 years old.  

I like to think that is the same way with Papa God over me.  He doesn't see the 52 year old lady, He sees His little girl who needs His love, patience and all the guidance that she can get.

Life has been hard lately.  We have had a lot of deaths in our circle of family and friends in the last couple years that I have felt my joy slip further and further away.  I am so tired of my heart being bruised and broken...<breathe>  I found myself speaking the words, "Daddy here is my broken heart, fix it please."

Next thing I knew I was opening my eyes and I saw His face close up to mine.  I felt like I was a newborn baby opening their eyes for the first time and having their parents looking at them with such fullness of joy.

I flashed on the moment of Creation when God breathed life into Adam.  When He opened His eyes and seeing the face of the Father and said, "Abba."  

Peace engulfed me as I saw my mama opening her eyes and seeing the face of the Father.  How awesome is that thought?!?!

You close your eyes on earth and open them in Heaven with the Father looking back filled with such emotions that He is overwhelmed by the love He feels for you.  He doesn't even have to tell you that He loves you as you can see it as plain as if He spoke the words.  His heart is full of joy because you are His child.  You didn't even have to do anything to earn His love, He just loves you.

Then I heard in my spirit, "Child, every time you open your eyes I am right here waiting for your eyes to focus on Me. I am here, I never leave.  Open your eyes, I am here."

After my warm fuzzy moment with Papa, it dawned on me why I love mornings. I get to wake up to Him.  I get to climb up in His lap telling Him, "Good morning daddy, where are we going today, who are we going to love on today, who are we going to bless, how, what, when..."  

I don't have to wait for Heaven, I get to wake up to the Father's face every morning.  His love surrounds me as I go about life.  Waking up just got even more exciting for me!

I pray that you enjoy waking up to His face too, knowing that He loves you like no other.

Until Next Time, God Bless!