Why?

We are in the middle of my most favorite time of the year.  It is the time that the 5 year old in me keeps the child like wonder alive within me and hopefully those that come into contact with me.  I love giving and this is the season that not only promotes giving, it is highly encouraged.  I kind of live by the verse, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  We are in my season!

Then why am I so sad?  For the first time in years, I have family coming for Christmas.  I am so excited that my cousin who is more like my sister is coming to stay with me during my loneliest time of the year.  I am downright Joela Joyful over her coming.  I have plans for lots of fun with my “seester”.  Then why am I sad?

Lord, I have so much going for me, but I am sad.  Why?  Why God, why? 

Lately that has been the question I have been asking Him…why?  I have NEVER in my life questioned God and to why things happen.  In my mind that would just be rude.  However this week, that “why” has been asked more times than I care to admit.

Why am I so far away from family?

Why do I have to be so isolated from my kids?  Why can’t I be there for them?

Why can’t I see my grandchildren?  Why are they growing up without me?

Why can’t everyone live closer? Why do I only get to see them for a few hours a year?

Why do I hurt so much when I see them experiencing life without me?

Why are people leaving me?  Why do I feel so abandoned? 

Why do I feel so left out?

WHY?

I have never questioned why I have been relocated.  I do believe that God moved me to another state to get me away from the distractions that kept me in a rut, stagnate.  I enjoyed that life.  I had gotten too comfortable doing the same ol same ol, that I needed the uprooting and being transplanted away from everyone that I love.  He removed me from the family that I focused on for Him to get my attention. 

Ok God, here I am.  You have my attention God, You have me Lord.  What are we going to do today?  Who are we going to bless today?  I love You so much Lord, tell me what You want me to do…but God, why do I hurt so much?  WHY? 

Do you ask Him why?  I have been told that He likes us to ask Him that.  I personally have never liked asking Him, “why”. 

I never liked it when my children did the “why” game with me.  You know where you tell them to do something and every word that comes out of their mouth is, “why”?  I always considered it disrespectful to question your parents.  At least that is what my elders taught me.

God is my Father, why would He want me to ask Him, “WHY?”  Isn’t that me questioning the Great I Am, that I Am who is Omniscient? 

All I keep hearing in my head is my mama (and then me to my children), answering with, “Because I the parent, told you the child to do so!”

As I am studying the book of Revelation, I see that (over and over again) John is asking Jesus, “Why”.  However Jesus didn’t get upset when John asked, “why?” – He was patient and explained to John, the why.  Jesus led John to a deeper understanding of the why. 

Wow God, You mean I can ask You why and You won’t think me disrespectful?  I am in such awe of You Lord, that You love me so much (even in spite of ME!) that it is okay for me to ask why?  I knew that You want us to ask questions about You to learn more about You but why would me asking You “why” be okay?

This morning as I sat here asking the “why” I felt His loving embrace.  My answer didn’t come in the form of words this time.  I just felt Him loving on me.  He wasn’t mad that I asked the why question.  He just comforted me as my Father, the God of all Comfort.  He loves me!

Which I will be honest with you, was exactly what I needed.  The feeling alone and unloved left immediately.  Words would not have consoled me the way His loving embrace did.  He is a Good, Good Father…it is who He is!

I pray that your “why God” questions are answered in the manner that speaks volumes.

Until Next Time, God Bless!