The Clock That Couldn't Get The Time Of Day

Christmas time in Fresno was not the type of winter wonderland imagery that you see in Christmas movies, cartoons or even on Christmas cards.  There weren’t the beautiful scenes that just take your breath away when you see the glitter of the snow glistening in the sun light.   No, it was cold, foggy and dreary.  Even though we didn’t have Bing Crosby’s White Christmas, I loved Christmas!

It was 1979 and I was in the 7^th grade.  For the last 3 years I have been living permanently with Mama and her on again / off again boyfriend Bob which by then I considered my step-dad.  We lived in the projects across the street from the VA Hospital at 2219 N Angus.

Once December 1st hit my mama pulled out the artificial tree, decorations and bought Christmas cards.  When I saw the boxes out in the living room my heart would race as that meant I got to help Mama decorate.  

First things first I would get to do was assemble the 6’ plastic white noble fir tree.  It had a pole, with holes for to you put each limb on.  Each limb of a row was exactly the same size they gradually got smaller each of the ascending rows and it went together quite easily.  It was a very uniform and precise tree. 

I would give Mama a hard time about us not having Christmas lights to put on the tree.  She said if we had Christmas lights, we would not be able to put them on the plastic tree because the bulbs were too hot and would have melted it.  It was so obvious that it was a fake tree would the melting of it be such a bad thing?  It was not like it was the beloved snow man Frosty, so it wouldn’t make me cry when it melted and then didn’t come back to life.   (Ok fine, no lights for the abominable snow tree!)

I would also give Mama a hard time about all her decorations being boring.  All mama would put on her tree was gold glass balls, gold garland and a gold tree top.   Did I mention that everything on the tree was evenly spaced apart and the garland all hung down evenly to match all the way around?  I am going to have to be honest here and tell that I too am that way.  No hap-hazard looking decorations otherwise I would get sea-sick when I looked at it.  

Even though Mama’s tree was the complete opposite from the one that aunt Margaret would put up, I secretly loved it.  I got to bond with mama while decorating the boring tree so I couldn’t help but love it.  It was a splash of Christmas in our tiny apartment we called home.

Besides decorating the tree, I got to wrap all the presents for Mama, all but mine of course.  She would sit on the couch supervising me while I got to do all the work that I actually enjoyed.  She would dictate that certain people would get certain wrapping paper, like Grandma Renfro and our neighbor lady Mae Martin.  Their presents got the special wrapping paper and the prettiest bows as they were very special ladies.   

Each time that I impressed Mama with a fancy wrapping job I would try to outdo myself on each of the following packages.  (I call it a dart thrower’s mentality, the only person you should be trying to beat is you.)  Once the tree was decorated and all the presents were wrapped, (my favorite Christmas traditions) and the immediate bonding time with Mama would be over.   

There was a week left before Christmas vacation and then I would be headed off to aunt Margaret’s.  I needed to get Mama’s gift before leaving.  I headed to Decker Drug Store that was on the other side of the projects on Fresno St. and Clinton Ave.  It was the only store in my allowed walking-alone-zone that I could buy an actual present so that is where I went.  I only had $10 so I had to make it get the best present possible.  With sales tax being 6% at that time, the price tag couldn’t be over $9.40 or I wouldn’t have had enough money.

I scoured that store for over an hour looking at the different things to buy.  After being Shanda’s co-conspirator (and un-confessed instigator) in the shop-lifting incident that took place at the end of summer vacation – I was being watched like a hawk.  (That’s another story for another time)

The being watched didn’t bother me none because I had money and had no intentions of stealing anything (ever again)! 

I kept being drawn to the clocks, kitchen clocks to be precise.  Mama needed a new kitchen clock.  However, the only one I could afford was the electric square white one with black numbers, it was boring.   Not only was it boring it wasn’t her colors.  Mama loved brown and golds that were popular in the 70’s. 

After sitting on the floor in front of the wall clocks deliberating for quite some time, I finally made up my mind that the white clock was what I was going to give her.  No, it wasn’t the one I really wanted to buy her but hey, I was a 12-year-old kid and this was what I could afford.

I purchased the clock and walked home.  I came in through the front door and could hear mama and Bob playing cards in the kitchen.  I snuck the bag into my room and then went into Mama’s room to get the bag with all the wrapping materials in it.  I wrapped it as pretty as I could and put it under the tree.  I was rather pleased with myself with not only the present itself but in my mind, it was the prettiest one under the tree.

A couple days later, Mama noticed the present and picked it up.  Wait! That is against the rules!  You aren’t allowed to pick up presents especially ones that are clearly marked for you!    Point blank she asked, “Did you buy me a clock?”

She caught me so off guard that I smiled.  When I am trying to keep a secret or hide anything for that matter, I smile.   After I smiled, she asked, “What color is it?”  There was no sense in trying to lie as I was a horrible liar and in a defeated voice I responded, “White.”

I am going to tell you all right now that if I was not in the room right then and witnessed this with my very own eyes, I would not have believed it. 

I watched my mother meticulously open one end of that present.  She unsealed the tape without tearing paper.   She slid that clock out one end of the paper; she looked at it and then proceeded re-wrapped it exactly as I did when I first put it under the tree.  Then she took the present out from under the tree that was for our neighbor Mae Martin and carefully removed the name tag.  Mama put the gift tag to Mae on the present I bought her and put the gift tag to her on the gift for Mae.  

I am standing there in disbelief as I am watching her do this as if it was proper protocol.  She said, “Sorry hun but I like the clock I am giving her better!” 

I tried to be understanding as Mama told me how she saved up her Blue-Chip Stamps to purchase the kitchen clock.  It was getting harder and harder to find retailers that gave out Blue-Chip Stamps and she finally got enough for the circular brown and gold clock she had been saving for.  That clock was not only in Mama's colors it also had some personality.  It was her!

I knew how hard it was to get the Blue-Chip stamps especially when you only got one little stamp for every .10 cents you purchased.  It took you spending $120 in purchases to get 1200 stamps to fill a book.  

I don’t remember how many books she had to have to get that clock, but I do remember helping to glue in enough of those stamps to fill almost 10 books.  She must have been collecting those Blue-Chip Stamps for years.  I was hurt, but I let it go that Mama preferred her clock to mine.  She said that she didn’t have the money to get Mae a gift and was giving up her clock so that she could give Mae a present.  How could I hold that against her?

Time came and it was time for Christmas vacation.  My sister Sherry would come with her daughter Tasha and the four of us girls would have a mini Christmas celebration.  I had asked for money that Christmas so I could buy a microscope.   Sherry surprised me by buying me one.  Mama got to spoil Tasha, her only grandchild (at that time) with a few gifts.  Once our gift exchange was over Sherry would take me to Dos Palos. 

This particular trip we had to go by Sherry’s house to pick up Jerome’s birthday present she forgot to bring.  As I am standing in her living room, I am looking at her tree in disbelief. It was a tree with blue lights, blue garland, blue glass balls and a blue tree topper.  Are you kidding me?  I guess those nuts don’t far from the tree, do they?  Well at least she had lights on her tree!

I would be taken to aunt Margaret’s to spend Christmas with her, uncle Jess and Jerome.  Aunt Margaret's had a beautiful tree.  It was a live Nobel Fir tree, with lights, an array of different colors, shapes and styles of glass balls, and finished off with the silver tinsel icicles.  Some years they would put the fake spray snow on it and some years not bother with it.  I would often be found sitting by the tree just staring at it, daydreaming knowing that when I grew up, I would have a tree like hers.  (*Adult me would have Christmas trees being my own, nothing like any of them...story for another time.)

The two weeks would fly by and soon I’d be back home.  I couldn’t wait to go see the neighbor Mae and to see if she liked her gift.  I anxiously knocked on her door of our duplex apartments.  She answered in her sweet grandmotherly way.  I am looking at her kitchen wall and I see her same ol’ clock hanging there.  Just then she hands me the clock that I had purchased still packaged up.

She explains to me that she couldn’t have an electric clock as her electric bill was high enough on her fixed income.  As I am trying not to cry, she tells me that I am to take it back to the store and get the money back and spend it on myself.  I tried telling her that it was a gift for her, not me.  She smiles and tells me that the best gift she could ask for; is for me to buy something that I wanted to have for myself. 

She gave me a great big hug and next thing I know I am at Decker Drug trying to return the clock.  The clock that I deliberated over and purchased just a few weeks earlier.  The man at the counter asked why I was returning it and I had to tell him that no-body wanted my gift.  I felt bad for the clock, nobody I knew wanted it.  Back on the shelf it had to go, to sit and wait.   The poor clock that couldn’t get the time of day.   

How many of us feel that we can’t get the time of day from folks?  Whether or not we are a boring square white electric clock or a battery-operated colorful clock we still are clocks that need to be utilized if we are to feel our life matters.  Do you sit on the shelf and wait for others to make you feel useful or even happy?

God made each of us in different sizes, shapes, colors, personalities, and with different gifts.  He loves us no matter what we may appear to others.  He created us on purpose for a purpose. 

Once you get it into your spirit that you don’t need validation from others and that God values you and your life, you will be at peace.  

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.  Romans 12:2

If the world seems like they don’t want you.  Please turn to Father God.  He already accepts you and loves you like there is no other clock on the shelf that is more acceptable than you.  You are His Favorite!

Until next time, God Bless!