Sorrow to Joy

This morning I turned on my (Bethel Music) worship music and the song I clicked on didn't play but another one did, "In Your Light".  Okay God it is Your worship time and if that is what You want me to worship to, so be it!  

In Your light I find my strength
In Your truth I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love

You've turned my tears of sadness
Into such joy and gladness
My heart can't keep it in I'm shouting, shouting

In Your joy I find my strength
In Your hope I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love

As always it was just what I needed.  It has been a tough month for my family.   We lost my older sister, who was taken home too soon because of cancer.  My heart is breaking that she isn't here, but I know that she is home with Jesus and that gives me some sort of peace.  My prayers of health and healing for her were answered, just not in this realm.  She is no longer in pain, she is no longer sick and she gets to dance with Jesus.

In the past I would have wallowed in my sorrow just soaking in my misery.  Things have changed since I have learnt to just hand it all over to Jesus.  (Psalm 55:22)  If God wants my troubles, He can have them!  Seriously, not trying to be sarcastic or even disrespectful of God.  His shoulders are way bigger than mine.  He wants me (us) to give it all to Him and I (we) just need to let go of it, to let Him do what He does.  (Let go and Let God)

The day she died, I cried.  I jumped off my sobriety wagon into a bag of chips and a big tub of dip.  (My sister was the one that introduced me to my favorite comfort food...seem a little apropos don't you think?)  

I played worship music and just talked to God.  Asking Him, "Should I have done more?  Didn't I believe enough?  Did I not pray enough?"  I just needed Papa God to comfort me.  

To the outside world it may have looked like I was internalizing my pain.  Jesus said that He had to go so that the Comforter can come.  Jesus knew that we would need a Comforter and I was taking Him up on that promise.  I wanted Him to comfort me.  I wanted Him to heal my broken heart.  I wanted Him to fulfill all of His promises.  If God said it, I believe it and that settles it!

The following morning as I woke up the Holy Spirit whispered come worship and I saw my worship flag.  I jumped out of bed, grabbed the flag and turned up the worship music so I could hear it out on my deck where there is room to dance with a flag.  I worshiped and I praised God for healing.  I told Him thank You for restoration.  I thanked Him for resurrection of all that is dead.  

That was when He answered my questions from the previous day.  "Baby girl, I answered your prayers.  Your sister is healed, she is restored and she is resurrected!  She is no longer in pain, I have her.  I just didn't answer your prayer to your will, but Mine.  You did everything I asked you to do.  You did well.  You are just sad that she isn't healed, your way.  It is okay, she is with Me."

As you can imagine I cried in humility...then I worshiped Him some more.  

That night I told my church that she had gone and how she was ready to go in all aspects.  As I looked around the room I told them that we are not guaranteed our next day or even our next breath, "Are you ready?  Please be ready!"  After service a person came forward and rededicated their life to Jesus.  AMEN!  My sister is dancing with the angels celebrating that another person has come back to God's Family.  Call me simple minded but that right there tells me that my most beloved sister didn't die in vain!  

There is a difference between doing the act of worship and being a worshiper.  I don't just worship in church before the message.  I live a life of worship.  I thank God each morning that I wake up after I tell Him, "Good morning God, I love You!"  I thank Him for everything that happens during my day.  I thank Him for things that don't happen.  Even for things that I really wanted to happen that didn't.  I thank Him.  I thank Him for answered prayers...even if I don't like the answer.  He is so good, He is so loving.  Even if He didn't bless me with another thing, I would thank Him as He is so worthy!  

I thank Him for the life of my sister.  I thank Him that she was on this earth 59 wonderful years.  I thank Him for all the lives that she blessed by her just being her!  She was a great big sister.  She was a wonderful mother to her son who has turned out to be an awesome young man.  She was a fabulous friend and mentor.  I thank Him for her life and that He brought her into ours.

If I wasn't a worshiper, I don't think I could have survived this season.  It still hurts, but my broken heart is being filled with Jesus who is healing me from the inside out.  He is turning my sorrow into joy, AMEN!

I pray that if your heart is broken, full of sorrow.  Please give it to God, let Him heal you from the inside out.  He wants to comfort you, let Him.

Until Next Time, God Bless!