Sorrow to Joy

This morning I turned on my (Bethel Music) worship music and the song I clicked on didn't play but another one did, "In Your Light".  Okay God it is Your worship time and if that is what You want me to worship to, so be it!  

In Your light I find my strength
In Your truth I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love

You've turned my tears of sadness
Into such joy and gladness
My heart can't keep it in I'm shouting, shouting

In Your joy I find my strength
In Your hope I overcome
In Your grace I lose myself
For in Your love

As always it was just what I needed.  It has been a tough month for my family.   We lost my older sister, who was taken home too soon because of cancer.  My heart is breaking that she isn't here, but I know that she is home with Jesus and that gives me some sort of peace.  My prayers of health and healing for her were answered, just not in this realm.  She is no longer in pain, she is no longer sick and she gets to dance with Jesus.

In the past I would have wallowed in my sorrow just soaking in my misery.  Things have changed since I have learnt to just hand it all over to Jesus.  (Psalm 55:22)  If God wants my troubles, He can have them!  Seriously, not trying to be sarcastic or even disrespectful of God.  His shoulders are way bigger than mine.  He wants me (us) to give it all to Him and I (we) just need to let go of it, to let Him do what He does.  (Let go and Let God)

The day she died, I cried.  I jumped off my sobriety wagon into a bag of chips and a big tub of dip.  (My sister was the one that introduced me to my favorite comfort food...seem a little apropos don't you think?)  

I played worship music and just talked to God.  Asking Him, "Should I have done more?  Didn't I believe enough?  Did I not pray enough?"  I just needed Papa God to comfort me.  

To the outside world it may have looked like I was internalizing my pain.  Jesus said that He had to go so that the Comforter can come.  Jesus knew that we would need a Comforter and I was taking Him up on that promise.  I wanted Him to comfort me.  I wanted Him to heal my broken heart.  I wanted Him to fulfill all of His promises.  If God said it, I believe it and that settles it!

The following morning as I woke up the Holy Spirit whispered come worship and I saw my worship flag.  I jumped out of bed, grabbed the flag and turned up the worship music so I could hear it out on my deck where there is room to dance with a flag.  I worshiped and I praised God for healing.  I told Him thank You for restoration.  I thanked Him for resurrection of all that is dead.  

That was when He answered my questions from the previous day.  "Baby girl, I answered your prayers.  Your sister is healed, she is restored and she is resurrected!  She is no longer in pain, I have her.  I just didn't answer your prayer to your will, but Mine.  You did everything I asked you to do.  You did well.  You are just sad that she isn't healed, your way.  It is okay, she is with Me."

As you can imagine I cried in humility...then I worshiped Him some more.  

That night I told my church that she had gone and how she was ready to go in all aspects.  As I looked around the room I told them that we are not guaranteed our next day or even our next breath, "Are you ready?  Please be ready!"  After service a person came forward and rededicated their life to Jesus.  AMEN!  My sister is dancing with the angels celebrating that another person has come back to God's Family.  Call me simple minded but that right there tells me that my most beloved sister didn't die in vain!  

There is a difference between doing the act of worship and being a worshiper.  I don't just worship in church before the message.  I live a life of worship.  I thank God each morning that I wake up after I tell Him, "Good morning God, I love You!"  I thank Him for everything that happens during my day.  I thank Him for things that don't happen.  Even for things that I really wanted to happen that didn't.  I thank Him.  I thank Him for answered prayers...even if I don't like the answer.  He is so good, He is so loving.  Even if He didn't bless me with another thing, I would thank Him as He is so worthy!  

I thank Him for the life of my sister.  I thank Him that she was on this earth 59 wonderful years.  I thank Him for all the lives that she blessed by her just being her!  She was a great big sister.  She was a wonderful mother to her son who has turned out to be an awesome young man.  She was a fabulous friend and mentor.  I thank Him for her life and that He brought her into ours.

If I wasn't a worshiper, I don't think I could have survived this season.  It still hurts, but my broken heart is being filled with Jesus who is healing me from the inside out.  He is turning my sorrow into joy, AMEN!

I pray that if your heart is broken, full of sorrow.  Please give it to God, let Him heal you from the inside out.  He wants to comfort you, let Him.

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Phony Facade

As I look at my Facebook profile and cover picture I just shake my head in disbelief of the phony facade that I am portraying.  Sure it is the holidays, sure my house looks festive…over the top festive even, and yes I am having moments here and there that have me excited and happy.  But the truth of the matter is that I am not.  There has not been a day this past week that I haven’t cried (sobbed) in loneliness and heartbreak.

I am a wife, mother of three, grandmother of six…about to be seven, I have lots of friends, I have a ministry that loves on lots and lots of folks.  I have people that smile when they see me and give me a hug telling me that they are glad they ran into me.   And yet I sit here in tears aching from the loneliness of the holidays.

I'm putting my foot down, I’m done being lonely!  I have family and yet I am alone during my favorite time of the year!  No need to explain the circumstances as too many others would be hurt if the situation changed so that I could have my family around me.  So we let it be.  Kids grow up, have family and plans...it is just how it is.

There are lots of folks that have invited me over for Christmas.  I have been adopted by several families.  Why do I need to be adopted?  I have family!  Why Papa, why?

I sat here crying out to Papa God, begging Him to heal my broken heart and to wipe my tears.  To help me not feel so lonely as I have Him.  Isn’t that enough?

He tells me that I am never alone and forsaken.  That He has plans for me.  That it is okay.  It gets better.  He tells me that I am tired and that I need to rest.  I hear him say...Rest in Me and let Me rejuvenate me.  Enjoy this time when it is just you and I, soak Me in.  It won’t always be this way, enjoy Me.  Soon there will be a time that you are surrounded with your earthly family…enjoy this alone time with Me.  I love you!

Okay…I am breathing now.  The tears are dried.  And I feel His overwhelming love! The loneliness has faded into the background.  The joy of the Lord is my strength!  AMEN!

I am reminded of my friend Charity’s drawing she drew yesterday in Church.  It is the picture above with this word she was given, “God goes before you, and He will never abandon you!  God is bringing family restoration to His church body, healing hearts and drawing the body together as a family.  He is also bringing restoration to individual families!!! Amen!”

I am standing on that word.  I am believing God for that promise!  Amen!

If you are alone this Christmas season (or everyday), please know that you are really never alone.  God loves you.  You don’t need to put on the phony façade.  Tell Him how you are feeling and He will make you feel better.  It might not be what you think will make you feel better, but it is better.  As He will give you Himself.  What more could we ask for?!?!

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Hunt for the One

Every year I have a Christmas luncheon for the ladies in my life.  Celebrating our love and friendship as we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.  My favorite part of the luncheon is the ornament exchange game.  I love that game!  The only time that stealing is allowed and really encouraged.  Lots of fun.  

What is even more fun for me than my favorite party game is the hunt for the perfect ornament.  I start looking for the "ONE" in October when the stores first start displaying Christmas decorations.  

It is all about the hunt for the one.  The one that everyone wants.  The one that will be stolen in great fun.  

I hit all the craft fairs and expos searching for the one.  I hit all the stores and even venture into the mall.  I am not a mall person so you know that finding the one is important to me.  Until I find it, I don't stop shopping for it.  I buy back ups, but until the one is found...I keep hunting and searching.

This year was no different except that the luncheon was in less than a week and I hadn't found the one.  I had lots of ornaments to give out at the party but I hadn't found the one that would be mine for the game.

It was Tuesday before my party, running out of time I went to the mall.  I don't like using my lunch hour during the holidays to shop the mall.  It is crowded and I will be in a hurry to get back to work in time.  

I started with JCPennys they had some good contenders but not the one.  Next was Macy's Home Store.  They had some that I really liked for individuals, but not the one for my party.  For the first time going to Bed, Bath and Beyond I was highly disenchanted with their Christmas selection.  Moving on.  I went to Evangel, if for nothing else I needed a gift for a dear friend.

As I was perusing the tree, I found some nice ones.  Some that could be the one, but it was not obvious.  At the back of the tree I saw a pretty blue ornament with holly leaves on it, with a Dr. Suess type hanger on it.  Very cute.  I felt a strong urge to take a closer look at this cute Dr. Suess-esque type feel to it.  As I turned it around I read the front, "Christmas is not about the presents, it's about His Presence."  

THAT'S IT!  THAT IS THE ONE!  I HAVE FOUND THE ONE!!!  

The cute ball that I really wasn't really giving a second thought to, turned out to be the perfect one, the one that I had been hunting for.  The search was over I had found for what I was searching for.

Even though my party is over and the ornament has a new home with a family that I dearly love, I can't stop thinking about it.  In particular the hunt for it.  

You see life is like my ornament hunt.  We all are searching for something, someone.  We have a deep, deep desire to find it.  We may not know what it is, but we know that it is out there.  We can feel it calling us, deep to deep.  Drawing us out of where ever we are to find it.

We all were created to be in relationship with God.  We are searching for Him even if we don't know it.  He is calling us.  Those times that we can't sleep at 2:00 in the morning, He wants to talk.  He wants to love on us.  He wants US!  

He is our One that we are searching for.  He is the One that we need.  He is the Hole in our lives that we are trying to fill.  

Oh, we try to fill that hole with the might-be's.  Nothing is quite right, we are still searching.  

Maybe this person is the one.  

Maybe this drug is the one.  

Maybe I will find the one in the bottom of this bottle.  

How about...nope keep searching.

We will try to shove that square peg into that round hole until we find the one to fill that hole.  Nope that doesn't fit right, keep looking.  Keep searching.

However there is only One that is meant to fill our hole.  His name is Jesus.  He is what we all are searching for.  He is the One!  

I pray that if you are on the hunt for the One, the search is over.  He is here for you.  His arms are outstretched to welcome you home.  All you need to do is ask Him.  

"Father God, I have recognized that I am a sinner.  I repent of all my sins.  I confess with my mouth, that Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior.  Jesus come into my heart, AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!"

I love you.  Welcome to the Royal Family of God.  We now are on a new hunt.  We are now searching for those that are lost.  Bringing them back to the One they are seeking.  

Until Next Time, God Bless!!!

Here is a picture of the front of the "one" ornament.  

Asking for Help

I woke up from a dream about my 10-speed bicycle "Charlie" that I had as a young teenager. The memories that hit me were of when I had to work on Charlie. I was getting flat tires regularly. I was getting pretty good at patching tires and changing out inner tubes when patching was no longer an option. 

The back tires used to give me a hard time when I would go to put them back on the bicycle. I would get so frustrated that I would end up in tears.

Going to my mom was not an option as she was not mechanically inclined. Her response would have been, "Sorry sweetie you will just have to ride the bus."

My step-dad would have been great to go to but during the week he was working out of town taking care of his mother after her stroke.

So if I didn't want to take the bus I had to fix Charlie myself. The first time that it happened a boy who I went to school with past by and asked if I would like some help. I said sure and watched him like a hawk so that I would know what to do the next time that Charlie would get a flat. He fixed it in no time flat, I thanked him and he went on his way.

A couple weeks later I had another flat on the back tire. I fixed up the tire but when I went to put it back on the bike I had the same problem as before...I couldn't get the chain to stay on.

I was getting frustrated and I knew I had to go ask the boy for help again. I was not happy about that because I "wanted" to do it "myself". I didn't want to have to rely on anyone to fix my Charlie.

I had to swallow my pride and go ask the boy to help me. I told him that I was sorry but I needed his help again. This time I also asked if he could he teach me how to put the back wheel on myself. The boy was glad to help by showing me the proper way to fix Charlie up.

God gave me a visual of Charlie and his chain this morning to remind me that it is okay to ask for help, He wants to help. You see it has been a rough week. I was asking God for help but my independent nature was rearing its ugly head...by wanting to help God fix my problems.

Isn't that funny? As if God needs my help - there I am trying to do things that He wants to help me with. Or worse, not asking at all thinking that I can do it on my own without Him.

Whether consciously or subconsciously independence from God is not good, actually it is very bad! We need to be intentional in our relationship with Him. He comes before everything and everyone...especially us!

I hadn't thought about Charlie in years and here God was using him in my dreams as an illustration that I needed first thing this morning.

What's God trying to get across to you? I pray you are open to His help and obedient to His instructions.

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Remove the Labels

I have never been one that really bought into designer labels.  If you had something Gucci or Prada, good for you but it does nothing for me.  My desires have always been on performance.  Can that bag hold my stuff the way I need, is it going to be able to hold up to the strenuous use that I tend to put things through?  I also buy things on looks. Is it pretty?  Can I get Snoopy on it to reflect my fun loving, childlike personality?  

But the brand label doesn’t matter to me as I really don't want it there.  I actually want to rip off all labels once I purchase it to make it mine.  I paid you your money; it is now mine and no longer yours.  It belongs to me and I can do with it what I want.

One of the things that I hate about labels is that most of the time that the adhesive used it so strong that you can't get the entire label off.  It is now mine; I don't need to have your label on it for the rest of its existence.  

Yesterday, in a class that I am taking, the module came up about "Stigmas and Labels".  The feelings that rose up in me (in a strong, passionate manner) were rage, pain, hurt and the list goes on.  As I expressed this the leader of the group said, "Don't let it steal your peace, you aren't that anymore."  

However my old labels weren't the ones that were bringing up those strong negative feelings.  The labels that used to belong to me, I was free from.  After I wrote them down (with a vengeance) I was able to breathe and thank God that I am not that anymore.  I even got to tear up and throw that paper away that I wrote those on freeing myself from those past labels.

My problem was the labels that are placed on my family and friends that struggle with those issues.  As I stared at those labels under each category and my heart broke.  I wanted to scratch out all those labels and scream, "NO!  NO MORE!! NO MORE LABELS!!!"  

Whether or not someone is suffering from drug addiction, alcoholism, mental illness or something else, who are we to put labels on them?  We aren't walking in their shoes; we don't know what they are going through.  We don't know what trauma they are suffering from.  

God doesn't see us by our past, but our future.  He called Abraham father of all nations prior to him ever having a child in his old age.  God changed Jacob's name to Israel meaning May God Prevail.  Jesus called Simon, Peter before he ever be came the rock solid pillar of the church.  He allowed Saul to change his name to Paul as he was no longer the Christian killing Pharisee that humbled himself living out his life for God.  

When God speaks things come into existence agreeing with His words, not just in Creation but for all time.  God's words are forever.  His words give life!  

We are told in the Bible to speak life and not death.  Why do we insist on calling people bad names?  You tell someone they are bad long enough they will believe it and become bad.  You tell someone they are stupid long enough they will believe they are not capable of learning.  You call someone unworthy long enough and they will come to believe it.

We need to retrain our brains to think like our Papa God.   Stop calling people by their past or even their present.  Speak life into them.  Speak their future!

My understanding of speaking life change a couple years ago when I attended a prophetic conference.  The speaker told us how (in a previous conference) he called on a person that was in the back of the sanctuary.  He told the man that God loved Him and that He was a mighty warrior for God.  The speaker didn't know the person or even that the person wasn't there on his own.  The man was a heroin addict.  His friend brought him to this conference against his will as he had just shot up.  He was loaded, but that didn't stop God from using the speaker to speak life into this man that was in the grips of heroin addiction.  The man didn't hear much of anything of the conference except that he was loved by God and called "A Mighty Warrior for God".  He fell to the floor right there giving his life to Jesus.  

What that man needed was words of affirmation.  He needed life spoken into him.  He didn't need to be called a druggie or anything else as he was living it.  He knew it better than anyone what he was. He didn't need more words that he already knew.  He needed words that he didn't know.  He didn't know that God loved him and that God saw him as a mighty warrior.  Hearing those words changed his life.  He left that conference, checked himself into rehab, got cleaned and became a mighty warrior for God.  He became how God saw him and not how the world had labeled him.    

What labels are we putting on people that we need to stop labeling them with?  What labels have been ingrained so deep that they aren't fully coming off...leaving scars that don't fully heal?

Please put down the label gun that fires off labels faster than an M16.  The casualty loss is more devastating than the actual war on drugs and addiction.  The destruction that is caused by words and labels needs to stop and it needs to stop now!  

Next time that you want to call someone a name (other than their given name) please ask yourself if calling them this name is this going to help or hurt this person.  Is this meant to build them up or tear them down?  Growing up we all heard, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.  Do you need to keep your mouth shut?

If you insist on labeling people, maybe you could label them with one of God's designer labels.  He is the one that Created each of us, He is the only one that has the right to label us.  He calls us by our future, He calls us to the promises that are listed in His word, but He also calls us His children.  

We are sons and daughters of the God most High.  We are His kids; He loves us and has sealed us with the Blood covenant of the Cross.  We are LOVED BY GOD!   Now that label, I can live with.

Until Next Time, God Bless!!!

Play Ball

I am currently in a season of learning.  Not only am I taking classes that are training me for my future but I am stepping out and doing things that are stepping stones to my destiny.

Last night was the class "Kingdom Create" where I am learning to create supernaturally.  I love how God has me doing things that are against my grain in the natural.  I love to create.  I love taking the ordinary and making it pretty.  That is one of my favorite things to do.  

However Joela without God has not been a person who could draw at least in my mind.  I still struggle with the concept but I am stepping outside of my box and letting God show me what He can do through me.  AMEN!

Last night when Papa God was speaking to me He was telling me that He likes that I will play catch with Him.  As I saw a baseball, He was telling me that He loves that I am not afraid of trying to catch the ball. 

This vision threw me for a loop.  I love baseball!  I wasn't very good at it, but I loved to play baseball.  I loved to play catch.  Some of my favorite memories are of me and my brother  Jerome playing catch in the front yard of the house in Dos Palos.  When I was living with my mom in Fresno, I had no one to play catch with and always felt I was missing out on an essential piece of my childhood... and here was God showing me that He loves playing catch with me.  (It was emotional to say the least...)

As my friend and I were driving home from the class she was telling me that there are a lot of balls that God throws at me that she wouldn't want to try and catch.  "Oh no God, not that ball, nope not that one either. I would strike out as I would just let those balls fly right by"  I was sitting there listening to her tell me her thoughts, my mind drifted to the balls that she catches that I am grateful that God doesn't throw at me...(Charity, you are braver than you think you are!)

This morning as I was typing out my "Daddy Play Ball With Me" vision, I was meditating on our walk with God.  I was envisioning Him playing catch...(with not only me but all of us - we are His kids, we are His Family, He is a good, good Father and He loves us!)  

I am craving more and more of Him.  I not only want His comfort, His love, His presence, but I want to play catch with Him.  

Each ball is an instruction or assignment.  Not only do I want to be the catcher of the balls He throws at me, I want to be the batter hitting them out of the park.  I want my singles, doubles, grand slams and even my grounders.  Papa God, do I need to bunt here, do You need me to sacrifice?  I WILL!  Just tell me what You want and I will do it for You!  

I not only want to be the MVP, I want to aid my team in their performance in the game so that everyone is the MVP.  I am not to compete with my teammates, I am to complete them.  There is no "I" in team.   

We are a team (family) and we are to be in unity.  We are to lift each other up and not tear each other down.  We are to love one another as family.  

I pray that you know that the balls that God is throwing at you are for you.  He won't throw me your ball and He won't throw mine to you.  Don't be afraid to catch the ball.  It is scary at first as you don't want to get hurt by the ball if you miss it.  It is okay, Papa God is there and He will comfort you if you miss it.  You will get better and better with each throw/catch.  Soon you will be excited to play, getting up before the alarm running to Papa asking to play ball.  He will never turn you away as you are His delight.

Enjoy your time with Him...PLAY BALL!

Until Next Time, God Bless!

Cleaning House

Most people "spring-clean". I "Hunting-Season-Clean". While my husband is out of the house for 1-1/2 weeks hunting, that is when the majority of the house gets not only cleaned and prettied up, but organized!!

Things that don't have a home get one while other items are either recycled, given or thrown away (depending on their condition). Decluttering and pretty-fying are my main objectives. Not only am I getting my surroundings in tip top shape so I can breathe, I am preparing for the upcoming Christmas gatherings.

There is such peace and joy when you are in a clean and clutter free area.

When I was in the Beth Moore Bible Study, Living Beyond Yourself - Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit. She said something interesting to start the study. As we are seeking the Holy Spirit to fill us up and lead our lives...we start by POURING OUT, then POURING IN, so we can be POURING FORTH.

We start the pouring out by confessing our sins. We have to get rid of the unwanted sin in order for the Holy Spirit to enter us. He cannot reside where sin is. (We purge the trash, get rid of it). Once you have cleansed yourself of the sin, claim that you are clean, holy and ready for the Holy Spirit to come in and have His way, filling all the nooks and crannies of your being.

As He starts pouring in, He fills you up, you can breathe. No more anxieties of the garbage that was around you. No more searching for the unknown want. No more wandering, lost. Being filled with such joy and peace...wow.

When you are full of the Holy Spirit, He starts pouring forth through you, blessing others. Isn't that what our faith is all about? Loving one another!

You start by cleaning your house, purging all the trash, inviting the God of all comfort in, He organizes you, He declutters you (and your mind), He removes the distractions that cause the anxieties, He breathes new life into you, giving you the Joy and Peace that your heart longs for. Then you can go out of your house (yourself) renewed by the spirit.

The fruit of the spirit will grow in you, becoming a fruitful orchard. Being able to bless others with your fruit.

Until Next Time, God Bless!