We live in a fast-paced
society, so fast that we have more things to do in less time to do them. Maybe not all of us but I sure feel that way. There are days that I am so overwhelmed that
I have to be told to breathe. How does that happen? How does one forget to breathe?!?
I know as we get older time
seems to be going faster than we care to admit.
Personally, this last year has been a blur. I have been overfilling my calendar so much so
that there were days that I was not only double booked, I was triple booked…ouch!
I am an overachieving
perfectionist that has (more than) a
lot that I want to accomplish in my life.
I don’t want to live to be forgotten.
I want to leave a legacy to my children and grandchildren. I want to be known for more than being a nice
lady.
However, when you are just
going and going like the Energizer Bunny life will catch up to you and when it
does you are going to find out exactly how much time you have wasted trying to
do everything all at once. Not to
mention while you are trying to do it all, there is the “Life Happens” that is taking
place around you.
We have family and friends
that have died. We have family that my
heart longs to see but are scattered about the country that require time and
money to go see…I get panic stricken with just the thought on choosing whom I
should go see…first. UGH, the pressure of picking one family
member over another! <breathe>
There is stress at work,
there is stress at home, there is stress in general everyday life and I just
kept adding things to add more stress.
You know what happens when
you don’t have proper self-care? You get
depression and anxiety mixed together with an unhealthy dose of sadness. That has been my life for longer than I care
to think about. As a child of God, I
took my concerns to Papa God.
It has been a slow process
however He has been ministering to me. (*Why do we freak out when He doesn’t answer
our prayers overnight? It took a good
long time to get where we are, it is going to take time to get back to where we
need to be. We need to let Him
minister to us at the pace that WE need Him to.
Our wounds need time to heal. Amen?
Amen!)
This season God wants me to
focus on the good…He said that those that have passed are with Him, they are
happy and whole. He wants me to be happy
for them and quit focusing on my sadness that they aren’t with me anymore.
I am not to focus on those loved ones I
don’t get to see, I am to give those I am seeing all my love and attention. Be in the moment with them and enjoy our time
together. Look them in the eyes when they
are talking to me. I am not to worry
about what I am not getting done, but really give that person my full attention. When we
love people, we value them and their time!
He has also shown me is that
I need to start creating again. When a
creative doesn’t create they get depressed.
I have been doing as much as I can on my time off that I have been
hurrying to get “this” done so I can work on “that” to get it done, and then to
get the “other” completed…endless hamster wheel of self induced stress.
My body has been taking the brunt of all this stress. On
Sundays after church and the family meal, I crash. I am a lump on some piece of furniture
wondering if it is bedtime yet. Just to
jump back on the wheel getting it going again the following morning that starts the week.
When I am on the proverbial
hamster wheel I feel like I am just going through the motions. I am not enjoying anything that I am doing,
just working on them as fast as I can to get them completed so that I can work
on the next thing. Even doing something
that I normally enjoy doing, I am just doing it to get it done and off the
to-do list, it becomes a chore. There is
no joy when you work (or create) like
that.
I asked God what does my
next season look like? The answer I got
was to…slow down, live in the present
and enjoy the process. Get off the
hamster wheel and live intentionally!
I call myself a fabric
artist and I haven’t given myself time to create art with fabric. Even if I am not working on an art piece I
have a ton of UFO (Un-Finished Objects)
Quilts that are screaming to be completed…imagine what all I could complete if
I actually gave myself permission to intentionally work on them? The thought of actually enjoying the process
of creating something beautiful with fabric has the excitement bubbling up in me.
To help me start me off on
the road to new habits and start my creative selfcare, I am going to set aside 30
minutes each day to create. Not just
create, but really tune into what I am doing.
Not thinking about what I need to check off my to do list or what chore
is waiting for me but, totally focus on what I am working on. This
could be any activity that gives you joy.
This morning I am writing
this article. I am noticing my breathing
and heartbeat… I am paying attention to my fingers hitting the keyboard...clickity click click click. I am listening to the worship music that is
softly playing…and I also hear the quiet of morning that sets it apart from the
evening. I feel the soft breeze coming through the open window. I smell my coffee and the diffusor oil that
is wafting through the air. I am
watching the words slowly manifest across the document. I notice there is a rhythm of the morning
that is filled with comfort and peace.
I am not stressing about finishing
the article by an imaginary deadline that I have put on myself. I am enjoying the process of letting the
thoughts flow onto the page. There is a
timer set so that I don’t get lost in my creative time as I still have to go
about my normal day.
I am making sure that as a
creative I am getting my creative time in.
Shaking off the depression, not letting anxiety rise up. Sadness has no place when the choice is joy.
Imagine if you will, if we
took the time to enjoy everything that we do.
We wouldn’t have to stop and remember to lower our bucket down in our
joy well as we would constantly be drinking it in…
Until next time, God Bless!
